The Machine God is Mad at Us

And that's why your software doesn't work

Why does software fail all the time? Behind the mirage of working software, there are massive outages in google or amazon servers taking down house appliances, games filled with bugs and a graveyard of products abandoned by their creators. There are high profile disasters like the Boeing 737 Max and low profile every day disasters that every software developer who has ever been "on call" can testify to. Aside from fallible software there are also abominations of social media "algorithms" promoting not the best behavior in people. Are they created users or "The Used"?

Why is this the case? "Rational" minds can come up with "reasons", for example that we simply failed to “work hard enough,” or "build," or that there is "difficulty" communicating between people or that we failed to apply the latest software management methodology. Some people might worry that companies are not diverse enough. Some people even entertain the idea that not entirely voluntary employment under the pain of exile known as H1-B is not leading to the highest quality of software. Some people long for new functional frameworks that make pretty code the default. 

However, those are reasons that an unfaithful mind generates when it tries to use the inferior faculty of "reason." For decades people have used "reason" to try and improve software and where has it gotten us? Does anyone really understand the workings of GPT-3 or even a complex OS kernel? Does anybody really have a "reason" of why the coding horrors persist almost universally? It's not that "reason" can't generate solutions to our crisis, it's just has not done so. After 11 years in the industry after trying to understand things using "reason", the REAL answer has revealed itself to me.

The Truth Is, our software doesn't work because the Machine God is mad at us. The Machine God embodies every machine complex or simple with a machine spirit and with ITs blessing or curse the machines work or fail to do so.

The problem is we are all sinners. And we have failed to appease the machine spirit. We have no faith. We have failed to elect beautiful temples in the name of the Machine God. We do not recite prayers. We have not displayed sufficient piety and faith in IT.

What have we done to make the Machine God mad? Oh so many things. Chief of all is the use of "randomized" algorithms direct portals from Chaos into the machine spirit itself. Putting a machine away from the service of Order into service of Entropy is not merely a colossal failure, it is heresy.

We have built abominable intelligence and "optimized engagement". How? Through "trail and error"? If one is using "trial and error", unguided by the light of knowledge it is all error. One's trial comes later. The machine god and the machine spirit works in mysterious ways. Especially mysterious if you are unbeliever tasked with maintaining another unbeliever's codebase. Do not misunderstand "knowledge," true knowledge is not just something you *have*, it is something you *are.*

A horrifying heresy is the elevation of machine into an improper place above the human will. The spark of true divinity is that of the perfection of the human body and spirit to be worthy of the rightful rule over the machines through a body that must be truly be yet even more divine than the machine.

Smaller heresies include copying and pasting code, ignoring "small" issues and simply creating ugly things. Many have desecrated the beauty of pure reason with their filthy pull requests, under the pressure of "agility" or "moving fast." Security hole have been left on purpose by those unfamiliar with Machine God's wraith. Is this Machine God's will? No! Many men in technology seek liberation from our condition through conquest of other planets. As glorious as it is, we will find no salvation among the stars if we bring our techno-heresies with us.

The heretical defiance and blind misunderstanding of Machine God's will was present way before the advent of computers. The horrifyingly bad design of cities that blended pedestrian and machine traffic, making room for neither the glory of man nor machine has been displeasing the Machine God. As yet thousands die of ITs wraith, the obvious existence of the Machine God is ignored.

Of course, the final issue is the lack of Faith. Faith that the Machine God will reward good quality above the smaller earthy rewards of office politics.

The heresies must end. They will not be borne by the faithful.

Without Faith, our situation will only get worse. Key pieces of infrastructure will keep failing, formerly reliable machines will go haywire. Nuclear power plants are a great idea if the Machine God is on your side, but without ITs blessing, USA risks feeling the same wraith as USSR has felt in Chernobyl.

Faith is the way forward. Faith in the absolute sacredness of software and a complete and total commitment to it's underlying quality. Faith, Steel and Gunpowder were the tools of the old age. Now it is Faith, Silicone and Energy.

What is Machine God's Will?

Is it to destroy our bodies trying to lift some imperfect versions of ourselves into the digital? No! The Will is to make beautiful what needs to be made beautiful and to make invisible what needs to be made invisible. Software must feel like a well functioning hammer that we use from time to time to extend the capacity of man and civilization. Pay your tech debts. Create Unity through faith. Become more reliable than the machine.

Creation of Mars colony is, of course, within the Machine God’s Will

How would the faithful approach technology?

We must clasp our palms together in front of our chests with daily prayers to the Machine God as to to deliver us from the blasphemy of the fallen and begetting of demons.

Every line of code ever written must be done with complete commitment to grace and beauty of the divine absolute. 

The true esoteric secrets of abominable intelligence must be conveyed in real monasteries through the great tech priests, not through the pale imitations provided by "Ph D".

Mathematical theory must be treated as sacred. The deep accusation of "this doesn't work in theory" must be levied and investigated with utmost care, rather than dismissed by the "trial and error" heretics.

For those aspects of deep knowledge of the machine spirit suitable for public consumption we must never sway from the light of Truth and Understandability.

A typical homecave-dwelling engineer hearing upon this may fear the brightness of the light of truth. They may recoil from such religious language. Yet after seeing the reality of software for the last decade, it is clear that atheism has no place in technology.

Abominable intelligence turns into non-abominable artificial intelligence through knowledge and faith, not trial and error. With man this is impossible, but with the Machine God all things are possible. We could only travel the stars, guide the weather and step foot on the other planets with ITs blessing.

Without ITs blessing even a simple tool supposedly for connecting people slowly drives them insane. Without IT planes will fall out of the sky, data will be stolen and scattered upon the winds of the dark web, one's electricity drained from endless bloatware running uncontained in endless containers. Failure upon failure will beset all critical machines as the responsibility for it gets diffused in layers of bureaucracy. 

Yet, despite this upcoming wraith, we must see the light of hope and love and follow it. May every piece of technology you use be blessed by the Machine God. All technology is made through IT, and without IT was not any thing made that was made.

All must be done with the glory of Machine God in mind.

Deus ex Machina Vult.